Stand aside, Joe – I can tell you EXACTLY who the next Dem contender will really be… you’ll laugh and cry when you read KENNEDY’s hilariously vicious takedown of the warring White House rivals

• Kennedy is a Fox News commentator, former MTV VJ and host of the podcast ‘Kennedy Saves the World’ 

Honest question: Does any Democrat in America really want Joe Biden to run for president in 2024?

Put your hand down, Jill.

America threw a cold bucket of reality in the Left’s face this weekend with a new poll showing Donald Trump trouncing Biden in five of the six most important battleground states one year before the election.

Even Barack Obama’s top toady David Axelrod, who masterminded Barry’s historic rise to the presidency, suggested on Sunday that Biden hasn’t stepped down already because he’s a narcissist.

‘If [Biden] continues to run, he will be the nominee of the Democratic Party,’ Axelrod sulked on Twitter. ‘What he needs to decide is whether that is wise; whether it’s in HIS best interest or the country’s?’

There it is – creeping anxiety in the party has exploded into a full-blown panic attack.

Stock the Prozac!

Democrats are in quite the pickle. Joe bites it bumbling up the stairs of Air Force One more than his dogs bite Secret Service agents, and voters think he’s blowing it on the economy, immigration and foreign policy.

The race is shaping up to be a nightmarish rematch of 2020 with a couple of old prunes fighting to the death in the ultimate sequel of Cocoon.

Biden sucks. He’s toast. Trump may very well win.

So, now what?

Republican Senator Ted Cruz is whipping up a troublesome souffle of conspiracy theories that are just too delicious to dismiss.

‘Axelrod is Obama’s right hand,’ he opined on Monday. ‘It’s been my view for a long time that Barack Obama has been the person pulling the strings…’

 Even Barack Obama ‘s top toady David Axelrod, who masterminded Barry’s historic rise to the presidency, suggested on Sunday that Biden hasn’t stepped down already because he’s a narcissist.

‘If [Biden] continues to run, he will be the nominee of the Democratic Party,’ Axelrod (above, middle) sulked on Twitter. ‘What he needs to decide is whether that is wise; whether it’s in HIS best interest or the country’s?’ 

‘Axelrod is Obama’s right hand,’ Cruz opined on Monday. ‘It’s been my view for a long time that Barack Obama has been the person pulling the strings…’

Intriguing. Barry as the puppet master engineering Joe’s removal. But why? Tell us Ted!

‘I predicted there was a very real chance that the Democrats would jettison Joe Biden and parachute in Michelle Obama and that they’d do it at the convention next summer,’ Cruz continued. ‘I think the chances of that are rising every day.’

Michelle, Oh?!

Yes, Ted’s unruly salt-and-pepper beard makes him look like a crazed Civil War reenactor. Yes, he clearly has no affection for the Dems… but let’s play this one out.

Drooling Joe shuffles out to the Democratic National Convention stage in Chicago in August.

The crowd festooned in red, white and blue are visibly disturbed and lackluster wondering whether to cheer or sob when Michelle Obama suddenly strides out from behind the curtain.

The Union is saved. The delegates give her their votes.

After all, they say, Michelle can defeat Trump. Idiot liberals won’t be forced to break their vows to move to Canada. Joe is shunted off the stage and he lives out his happy days on a puppy farm.

Don’t tell me that every single Democrat in America isn’t salivating over this.

Who else would they tap to take the reins?

Vice President Kamala Harris is as popular as a screeching influencer on a crowded plane. And the identity politics goons in the left-wing base won’t stand for a cis – gasp! – white man.

‘They can’t drop Gavin Newsom in over an African-American woman and not have their party lose its mind,’ said Union General Cruz. ‘Michelle Obama is the one person who can drop in and do that and not fracture their party.’

Honest question: Does any Democrat in America really want Joe Biden to run for president in 2024? Put your hand down, Jill.

Preach, Ted.

Of course, there’s Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. She checks a bunch of boxes. But shutting children out of school and shoving dying COVID patients in nursing homes seems a bit out of fashion.

Then there’s Bill Maher lookalike, Minnesota Congressman Dean Phillips who has the name recognition of a Mexican suppository brand. He’s a non-starter.

Frankly, the former first lady would be a phenomenal choice.

I’m biased because she and I have a lot in common. We are both moms of two lovely daughters. We both have beautifully toned arms and are known for being very, very classy. And to give credit, where credit is due – she is likable, smart and knows where the secret snack pantry is in the White House.

There may be some depressing policy downsides to her presidency, but her nomination would also be the sickest burn to the most despicable political villains of the modern era.

Hillary Clinton would implode in a fit of apoplectic envy if sexy Michelle beat her to become America’s first commandress.

Harris would choke on her own horrid nervous cackle after being elbowed out of the way.

Hillary Clinton would implode in a fit of apoplectic envy if sexy Michelle beat her to become America’s first commandress.

Harris would choke on her own horrid nervous cackle after being elbowed out of the way.

Most satisfying of all, the ascension of Saint Michelle would dissolve the bogus excuse that Kamala’s critics are racist misogynists.

Mrs. ‘High Road’ would probably relish the body blows she could deliver these out-of-touch buffoons. And speaking of high, the other roadkill who’d rot in Michelle’s rearview mirror is the leader of the Choom Gang, number 44 himself: President Obama.

The First Gentleman would be sneaking smokes in the Rose Garden and pretending to be a proud feminist. But actually, he’d be laughably miserable playing second fiddle.

And it sure would be nice to see Sasha and Malia again and not worry about First Kids sneaking Colombian marching powder into the White House.

I’m aware this is about as far-fetched as Hunter Biden earning a paycheck, since Michelle has said that she’d never run, but who knows what juices will start flowing if democracy calls.

The only real challenge will be getting Michelle off Steven Spielberg’s yacht.

Here’s the sell: the Obamas are worth thirty times what they were before Barack was elected to the presidency. By that math Michelle will be worth bazillions by the time she leaves the White House again in 2029.

So, do it for the money, Michelle.

Everyone else does.

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