Inside UK’s ‘smuggest town’ where ‘swingers parties swapper for Call the Midwife

A UK town has been dubbed the nation’s “smuggest” by one of its residents.

Harpenden in Hertfordshire has been slammed in a lively account written by a person who claims to live there. Writing on the ILiveHere website, the writer crafted an entertaining account of the town’s people and life there.

It should have it all – a nice town with green spaces, a picturesque high street and is just 25 minutes on the train from central London, but for some reason something just isn't quite right according to this undercover resident.

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“It’s strange that in somewhere as seemingly pleasant and affluent that there are absolutely no good restaurants,” they wrote. “The only good ones to have opened end up closing soon afterwards through lack of custom.”

This, they say, isn’t a good thing. “You’d like to think this is because people are too busy doing coke and going to swingers parties. But in reality it’s because everyone works in their middle management job until 10pm every night and at the weekend it’s just too much of a hassle to arrange a babysitter for Arthur and Florence.

“As such, they end up on the sofa at home, watching something like Call The Midwife, drinking a herbal tea from an 'I’m terribly posh, I’m from Harpenden' mug and wondering why, despite having 'made it', they’re really not very happy.”

They also added that at the weekend the pubs in the town get full of “people from Luton” who “later in the night throw bricks through the windows of the boutique shop.”

They say it leaves people living there wondering what they are doing there. Speaking as one of their fellow residents, the mystery writer noted: “And why the **** did we spend £1.5m on a semi-detached 1980s house in this mundane town instead of being bold enough to go slightly further afield, enjoy the fruits of our labours and risk living somewhere with some actual character. But then you wouldn’t get to mix with Saracens players in the park."

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