‘I broke the law and hugged my 80-year-old mum – and it was wonderful’

Confession time. This weekend I did so many things that are illegal I should be locked up.

Murder? Class A drug dealing? Gun running? Nope. It’s even worse than that I’m afraid.

OK – deep breath – I spent time with my family. We cuddled. I mean properly, not according to the Government guidelines on how to hug.

We danced. To loud music. In a room where the only ventilation came from the hot air spouted by the drunken husband and brother-in-law singing badly to bad songs from the 1970s.

We would have opened windows but, it being nearly June, the temperatures would have killed us all off far faster than any coronavirus.

We even sat around a meal ­table together and the only social distancing involved was between me and the washing-up bowl.

It was my mum’s 80th birthday, we are all fully vaccinated, tested negative and old enough and ugly enough (especially the ­husband) to take back control of our own lives.

And do you know what? The mental health boost from seeing a woman born in the Blitz and bombed out of several homes before she was toddling so damn happy was worth breaking every insane Covid law that the lunatics currently running our asylum could come up with.

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There is NOTHING better on God’s earth than spending time with those you love and it still stuns me every damn day that those we elected to look after us have actually legislated against joy, happiness, and family. They made getting married illegal FFS!

We remembered how to be ­human. I mean proper human as opposed to some fear-frozen zombies following endless one-way systems into a bottomless pit of death tolls, slides, and yet more poxy variants.

The delicious irony of staying in a safari park (in the UK, it’s OK we didn’t break THAT rule on the grounds none of us could afford the rip-off testing fees) was that we learnt an awful lot about the animal kingdom and how species have adapted and evolved to cope with all kinds of threat.

Though we did also see an ­ostrich having a poo which they can’t do without their willy popping out. Which possibly is the perfect metaphor for some of those currently “in charge”.

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Basically, however, nature finds a way.

And we will ALL find a way through this by just chilling the hell down with it and not living this weird half-life of fear.

So for women like mum the ­opportunity to spend time with her granddaughter – laughing, drinking, dancing, hugging, and feeding rhinos – far outweighs any "risk".

Yes, of course, your heart aches for those how have lost their loved ones to this hideous pandemic.

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But it aches and will continue to ache for those dying every day from cancer, heart disease, dementia, poverty, and mental health issues.

We live. We die. That’s it. Even the ostrich (officially the most stupid bird on the planet outside the female cast of Towie) knows that.

So raising a toast to mums everywhere because they really do know best and if my mum, your mum and even mums who have gone on to a better place (the husband’s) were running this country we’d all be living under the one law that has always worked.

Common sense.

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