Greg Gutfeld: People pretending to fight for victims are ruining the lives of everyone

Gutfeld: Newest Dem plan has attack victims helping rehabilitate their assailants

‘Gutfeld!’ panel discusses woke NYC Democrats’ plan

Happy Thursday everyone. I’m so excited -because it’s time for: Hug your Thug

Yes, welcome to “Hug your Thug,” where victims and their victimizers come together to see who the real criminal is. I’m your host, Joy Behar.

First, let’s address a socialist candidate for New York City Council, Tiffany Caban, who, amid an increase in violent crimes and shootings, wants victims of violent crimes to work with their attackers in the name of restorative justice.

By the way, if you see a word in front of “justice” other than “criminal,” you know you’re getting a dose of leftist nonsense. Legit justice requires law and order, something lefties hate more than soap and water. 

Caban calls it a public safety plan, but for whom exactly? Bringing the victim together with the perp who brutally beats her? 

This is like the world’s weirdest dating app.  “So, how did you two lovebirds meet?” “Oh, he pistol-whipped me under a bridge in central park, stole my purse, and then drove off in my car.” 

Caban calls it a public safety plan. That’s about as safe as dining with the Taliban and asking for kosher options. That’s about as safe as a second audition with Harvey Weinstein. That’s about as safe as wearing a donut suit around Brian Stelter.

Obviously, this is meant to strip cops and courts of any authority, and give more power to hard-left activists who never met a criminal they didn’t like.  

Here’s part of her proposal.

“Example of use: a person is beat up, suffers a broken rib, and is robbed of his wallet. First, his needs are heard and affirmed, and he works with trained staff to develop a services and healing plan.” 

First of all, thanks for assuming the gender of the crime victim!  Shouldn’t it be “their” wallet? I would only hope that the victim fills out a pronouns worksheet while he’s still bleeding in the street.

It keeps going.

“Then, when he is ready, he participates in restorative justice circles with the person who harmed him and their respective support systems. He asks questions and gets answers, and they develop an accountability and consequences plan.”

I’m supposed to ‘develop an accountability and consequences plan’ with the lowlife who flogged me with a car antenna, broke my eye socket, and stole my iPad? 

What do you want me to do next? Help him with his taxes? Work on his “to do” list?

Hell, if I’d been mugged and beaten, my first question for my attacker would be, “Why aren’t you in prison right now?”

But instead, here you must work out the thugs’ issues. After all, isn’t it your fault for having that money he wanted? He was just taking from one and giving it to another, your oppressor!

Sorry – the only “restorative circle” I want to see is that perp encircled by his victims, and they’re “restoring” a beating on his ass. But here –  instead of putting the guy in prison where he belongs, we make the victims his social worker.

How would this work?

*Skit of victim offering therapy to attacker*

Victim: So I’m your therapist today and I’m supposed to ask you how you feel.

Thug: Okay, I guess. Kind of tired. Hey, I know you.

Victim: Yes, you mugged me 30 minutes ago in central park. Took my wallet and broke my eye socket and cracked three ribs.

Thug: I know. My hand still hurts from punching you.

Victim: I’m sorry about that. My facial bones are very pointy, especially the ones you cracked.

Thug: It’s okay. I forgive you. By the way, you have any more money?

Victim: No. You took it all. As part of restorative justice, I’m here to find a solution for your punishment.

Thug: Punishment?

Victim: Sorry. Restorative healing. How do you think we should deal with you mugging me?

Thug: I still have headaches from the high pitch screaming you were doing when I punching your eye socket.

Victim: Sorry about that.

Thug: All right. I guess I’ll see you in the park. Make sure you have money next time.

Victim: Sounds good.

Thug: Okay.

So – the people pretending to fight for victims are actually destroying their rights and ruining the lives for everyone, except the rich who will always remain unaffected.

Somehow I sense this will not lead to prison time. Which, of course, is the real agenda. People like this nutbag believe we shouldn’t have a criminal justice system – that no one should ever be arrested or incarcerated.  They see crime, even violent crime, as basically a misunderstanding, mostly driven by poverty, lack of education, and… of course. Racism. 

For these crackpots, the real victims of crime are the criminals. The people they beat up are just instruments of their attacker’s persecution and probably deserved to be mugged because they have jobs or something.   

According to the New York Post, district attorneys across the big apple last year declined to prosecute accused felons at nearly twice the rate of 2019 — letting more than 6,500 suspects off the hook. That’s 17 percent.

If that’s not a crime, what is? That’s one way to clear the docket. You can also reduce burglaries by leaving your money outside with a sign that says “come and get it.”

Meanwhile, a serial pervert (meaning a repeat pervert, not someone who has sex with a box of frosted flakes) – trust me – they’re not that grrrrrreat.

He’s been repeatedly exposing himself to kids — but he keeps getting released from jail thanks to New York’s lax bail reform. Each time he gets arrested he’s out again in a flash. The scum has exposed himself five times since the end of April.

This guy spends so much time with his pants down in broad daylight he has to put sunscreen on his junk. Five times he’s done this – That’s four more times than Jeffrey Toobin- two more exposures and he gets his own show on CNN. 

According to the New York Post, this flashing freak keeps getting sprung because “judges are largely barred from imposing bail on the misdemeanor charges.” I bet those judges might feel differently if it was happening on their street. 

And where’s the media in all this? Well, even as this summer has witnessed a spike in violent crimes –the major news networks has spent less than an hour in three months covering the crime waves ravaging 15 Democratic-run cities. 

Whatever happened to, “if it bleeds, it leads”?  Now it’s more like, “if the victim’s a goner, it’s a yawner.” And why is that? Because the media shares the blame.

If they accurately covered crime, they’d be exposing their own culpability. They pushed defunding of the cops, they demonized police and defended riots. That’s why you won’t see any of this stuff.

Instead, they go all-in on January 6th – pretending to care about those officers. And those victims. And throw everyone else in prison. 

No restorative justice needed.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the September 2, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”

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